Maryann Austin

My mom is a devout Christian. Catholic her whole life, at 86 she prays the Rosary several times a day. Some people see this as a waste, or faith without works. I see it as an older person giving what they can, giving something that is valuable, doing something that is valuable (though not always valued). Sometimes when I am talking to my mom, more often than I would like to admit, I complain of my woes and current life circumstances. Her typical reply is to tell me to pray to God and ask Him to help me with whatever is my dilemma, my obstacle du jour. Knowing that I do so regularly, I sometimes reassure her that I do. If in a particularly down mood, I have been known to just nod or shrug. And I have many people besides my mom praying for me. There are people who know me, people who don’t know me, people who love me, and maybe even a few who don’t even like me. I am grateful for each prayer that goes up for me and my healing. (Warning to all my grammar friends: many...

If you have ever done anything for someone with a chronic or terminal illness, here’s what you should know. When you brought their family dinner, you reminded their child that, no matter what trials come, there are always going to be people who are lights in our lives. There will always be those who reach into the depths and lift you up from where you were. When you weeded her garden, you salvaged something that was deteriorating because of the illness. You brought hope where there was sadness, loss, and despair. When you brought flowers, you brought beauty where there was, seemingly, none left. You brought joy to a careworn heart. When you did something nice for her children, you assured her that, if life is cut short, people will continue to love her beloved children even after she is gone. You assured the children of the same. When you helped with the yard work, you let the spouse know that it is okay to take a rest when he needs it. Someone will be there to pick up th...

I've had my share of dysfunction in my life.  Anyone who has been there will know what I'm talking about when I say that a person endures lots of sucker punches in a sick relationship.  You're going along, doing the right things, feeling as normal as a person can feel. Then it happens. All hell breaks loose on you and you are sitting there in terrible pain, wondering what happened, what you did to deserve it, and will it ever get better. It's been many years since I had to deal with such a relationship.  My husband of 15 years is extremely loving, extremely predictable.  Some people hate predictability.  I love it. I've had enough of the unpredictable to appreciate knowing what is going to happen...as well as what is not going to happen. Enter PSC. It's a non-human version of a dysfunctional partner. I had a few really good days recently.  I was able to forget the troubles and the bloodwork and the tests, the resulting money issues, and the pain. I was ab...

In April, we had planned a trip to Florida. For numerous reasons, including my recent diagnosis, we couldn't go. We had taken a trip there exactly one year prior. That trip was cut short as my mother had become very ill and entered hospice care in my home. But we recently rescheduled April's bamboozled travels. And, for the past several weeks, I have been very skillfully planning my execution of all that needed doing to pull it off this time. PSC makes a person tired. All. The. Time. But we got it all done, and we left the house at 4AM yesterday. I drove some of the way in the morning, but my husband did most of it. Thankfully. He and my son understand how I am and what this does to me. And they didn't complain about my falling asleep for much of the last leg of the drive. It looked like sleeping, but it felt like a cross between drunk, hungover, and dead. Other people with this disease know what I mean.    We arrived at this beautiful little rental home last evening....

When I went through a divorce years ago, it was a lot of work. I should say, the bad marriage and leaving it were a lot of work. By the time the actual divorce happened, I was adjusting. It was all the back and forth and contemplation of a decision that was draining. Oh how draining. Raised with lots of guilt, I constantly questioned myself. Am I doing wrong by splitting this relationship up? Am I giving up too easily? Am I just a drama queen who is exaggerating how unbearable it is? Separate from that situation, I had total faith in myself. I try to live with integrity. I try hard at everything and it takes a lot for me to throw in the towel. I am definitely not a drama queen. Just ask my extremely functional second husband to whom I am very happily married. Lastly, I bear a lot before I complain. All this knowledge about myself went out the window when it came to that bad relationship. What I ended up doing was this. I made detailed notes of all of the things my ex-husband had ...

He asked me, “Mom, would God ever damn someone because I didn’t do something?”                                                                                                             Wow. “No.   That’s not how God works.” I wondered where he could have ever gotten an idea like that.   We talked a little bit.   In a few minutes it was clear to me what was happening. I told him how, when I was small, when my mom w...