Maryann Austin

Many bouquets of flowers graced our home in the past weeks. Some were in celebration of my mother’s birthday, and some were sent as blessings of recognition, light, and love following the death of my brother Michael. It still seems very odd to say. But I would say that it has, pretty much, sunk in by now. Tomorrow will be three weeks ago that we got the horrible news, that Mike left this world very suddenly. Most of the flowers have now dried out. Three vases full remained in my mom’s living area yesterday. And, last night she asked me to take away the dead ones. So, this morning I squeezed three giant bunches of dead flowers into the trash: 2 from my mom, 1 from my living room. Only one pink and white arrangement remains by my mom. It is happy and uplifting and the flowers look like they could go another two weeks. I hope they do. My world has gotten tinier recently. In so many ways. I have, out of necessity, made my home (the inside) the focus of what energy I have. This includ...

When I went through a divorce years ago, it was a lot of work. I should say, the bad marriage and leaving it were a lot of work. By the time the actual divorce happened, I was adjusting. It was all the back and forth and contemplation of a decision that was draining. Oh how draining. Raised with lots of guilt, I constantly questioned myself. Am I doing wrong by splitting this relationship up? Am I giving up too easily? Am I just a drama queen who is exaggerating how unbearable it is? Separate from that situation, I had total faith in myself. I try to live with integrity. I try hard at everything and it takes a lot for me to throw in the towel. I am definitely not a drama queen. Just ask my extremely functional second husband to whom I am very happily married. Lastly, I bear a lot before I complain. All this knowledge about myself went out the window when it came to that bad relationship. What I ended up doing was this. I made detailed notes of all of the things my ex-husband had ...