Dysfunctional Relationship of Sickness
I've had my share of dysfunction in my life. Anyone who has been there will know what I'm talking about when I say that a person endures lots of sucker punches in a sick relationship. You're going along, doing the right things, feeling as normal as a person can feel. Then it happens. All hell breaks loose on you and you are sitting there in terrible pain, wondering what happened, what you did to deserve it, and will it ever get better.
It's been many years since I had to deal with such a relationship. My husband of 15 years is extremely loving, extremely predictable. Some people hate predictability. I love it. I've had enough of the unpredictable to appreciate knowing what is going to happen...as well as what is not going to happen.
Enter PSC. It's a non-human version of a dysfunctional partner. I had a few really good days recently. I was able to forget the troubles and the bloodwork and the tests, the resulting money issues, and the pain. I was able to push through the fatigue and get a few things done. Anything exciting to the average healthy person? No. Pretty much grocery shopping, helping my mom with her toenails, and a little bit of sewing. For me, exciting.
Last night. PSC. I was struck (I thought of using the word reminded there. No, I was struck) with a painful reality. The same kind you get when pretending all is well in a bad relationship, then somebody goes on a drugging or drinking spree, or a violence spree. It was just like that. I had a horrible bout with pain. It wouldn't let go. I cried. My husband rubbed my back and prayed over me.
But this evil disease let me have just enough "normal" to make the pain more painful.
13 hours later, Im starting to return to normal consciousness. I had to get out of bed at 4PM because it was time for my medicine (4x daily).
It's been many years since I've had a human relationship like that. Those relationships came to an end. Each of us went our separate ways. I wish I could also walk away from PSC. But it's not like that.
It's been many years since I had to deal with such a relationship. My husband of 15 years is extremely loving, extremely predictable. Some people hate predictability. I love it. I've had enough of the unpredictable to appreciate knowing what is going to happen...as well as what is not going to happen.
Enter PSC. It's a non-human version of a dysfunctional partner. I had a few really good days recently. I was able to forget the troubles and the bloodwork and the tests, the resulting money issues, and the pain. I was able to push through the fatigue and get a few things done. Anything exciting to the average healthy person? No. Pretty much grocery shopping, helping my mom with her toenails, and a little bit of sewing. For me, exciting.
Last night. PSC. I was struck (I thought of using the word reminded there. No, I was struck) with a painful reality. The same kind you get when pretending all is well in a bad relationship, then somebody goes on a drugging or drinking spree, or a violence spree. It was just like that. I had a horrible bout with pain. It wouldn't let go. I cried. My husband rubbed my back and prayed over me.
But this evil disease let me have just enough "normal" to make the pain more painful.
13 hours later, Im starting to return to normal consciousness. I had to get out of bed at 4PM because it was time for my medicine (4x daily).
It's been many years since I've had a human relationship like that. Those relationships came to an end. Each of us went our separate ways. I wish I could also walk away from PSC. But it's not like that.
