Take THAT Anxiety!!!

Something that not many people know about me is that I have dealt with anxiety and panic.  I have been told that it is unusual for panic to surface so late in life, but I experienced my first panic issue in my early forties.  I knew immediately what it was, and I sought the help of a doctor.  I also devoured a number of books and listened to relaxation tapes.  I practiced breathing exercises.  I took the initiative and brought the situation under my control.  I took pride in the fact that the doc prescribed Xanax, and I only ever took it two or three times--and that was half a pill.  I hated the feeling it gave me, kind of like being a zombie.
There is a misnomer about such attacks.  Perhaps panic is not the best description of what actually occurs. I saw a reporter on the TV a few nights ago.  They showed a clip of him in the midst of a panic attack while reporting live.  He looked down and appeared confused.  He stumbled over his words and tried to recover, all the while seeming disconnected. Like the reporter, my experience was more like a short circuit.  To the onlooker, I would not have appeared afraid or panic-stricken (although that can be the case for some).  Instead, it was like sudden confusion.  If there is fear, it comes later when you realize what just happened.  To know that your cognition can just crash is a scary thought.  But the fear goes away once you learn that you are bigger and stronger than the attack.  
I am in a time of change and adjustment.  And today I awoke to an awful site:  a large tree laying in our driveway, and my son’s and my husband’s cars useless from the damage.  All day I have felt little twitches of anxiety trying to surface, tiny harbingers of something worse. Anticipatory stress is enough to set off an episode. So tonight I will breathe through my nose, talk a little, cry a little, have more than one cup of hot tea with honey--and curse that rat bastard wind.