Matches. Make. Fire.

     Since the news is so upsetting, I don't watch a lot of it lately.  So I have to admit that I do not know the details on the recent accusations against Bill Cosby.  But I did see a clip of that interview with one of the "victims."  The interviewing journalist is being blasted by the public and the media for his "insensitivity" to the woman who says that in 1969 she was forced to perform oral activities on Cosby.  The journalist suggested to her that there are ways to avoid such a situation and mentioned the word teeth.  (I like members of the media who are not bullied into avoiding the obvious.) The woman's reply was (maybe paraphrasing here) that she was stoned.  
     At that point of the report, viewers are shown a clip of a rape victim advocate.  She boldly states that women under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot legally give consent.  My questions would be: 1) If she was stoned, how reliable is her account? 2) What made her wait 45 years to come out of the woodwork? and a socially unacceptable 3) When a person gets stoned with someone else, what is their own culpability in what transpires?
     For many years, our culture has taught females that (no matter what actions you take) you have a right to say no.  And, no one has the right to force you into sexual activities.  Great.  But this lesson has little value, and can actually cause harm, when it is not paired with instilling any sense of responsibility for what might happen following certain types of setups.
     The first set up would be acting in provocative ways.  These would include wearing clothing with huge words emblazoned across one's rear end.  Hot.  Sexy.  Sweet.  This is something that plain common sense would have prevented in times past.  It is not simply a fashion choice.  It is a clear message.  Acting provocatively is not limited to the choice of clothing.  It is also in the conversations one might have.  If you are talking to someone about sexual matters, they might think you want to have sex with them!  Wow.  Have we become so weak-minded that we need someone to tell us this?
     One of my favorite sayings is When you get hit by a train, it ain't the caboose that kills you. This brings me to the second set up situation: getting drunk or stoned.  I'm going to piss some people off right now by saying what desperately needs to be taught in our culture.  If you decide to get drunk or stoned, especially with people you would not want to sleep with, don't be surprised when bad stuff happens!  Our own legal system recognizes that a drunk person cannot give consent.  If you willfully give up your decision making capabilities, you are accepting for yourself whatever might happen.  Sorry.  But it is the truth.
     Women!  You have some responsibility in your own lives!  Being stoned is not an excuse!  To be clear, my stand is that rape is wrong.  Sexual abuse is wrong.  Rapists are wrong.  But here is the thing.  It is ludicrous to be surprised that your hands have been burned when you have been drunk or stoned and playing with matches.