Desperation is Sometimes a Consequence, Not Merely a Choice

My husband knew this man.  It’s been almost a year and a half since the man went home from work, put the barrel of a gun inside his mouth, and pulled the trigger.  There were a good number of people at his funeral, but it was quiet.  Very quiet.  Odd that the man’s widow did not shed a tear.  Well, maybe not so odd.  Their marital woes were not a secret.  It sickened me that she seemed almost jovial when the funeral had ended.  

And yesterday I came across the name of a person I know of whose wife killed herself many years ago.  He had been cheating on her.  They had a young child.  I’m sure that he went on with his life like her death was her own choice.  And, ultimately, it was.  But I have to voice that there is an attitude and common belief today that rubs me the wrong way.  It is the philosophy of each person being responsible for his or her own happiness.  There is truth in the statement.  But it makes it all too easy for careless and hurtful people to excuse their own behavior.  

I’ve been wondering about Robin Williams and why he did what he did.  No one will ever know what was going through his mind, what was on his heart in the end.  But I have to wonder what personal issues may have played a part.  Here was this man expected to perform.  It seemed he was never off--always on and playing the part.  Part of me thinks that he was, perhaps, very lonely inside.  He must have been.  Who could take his own life without feeling lonely?  And I wonder about missed opportunities to connect with the real person inside--opportunities that might have changed things.

I know that there are people who live in perpetual guilt because of the suicide of a loved one.  I am not judging.  People capable of feeling guilt are not the same people who go through life hurting others and taking no responsibility for what it does to them.  But, if you repeatedly hurt someone, you are (at least in part) responsible for what becomes of them.  Pain can linger.  You can’t slap someone in the face and then tell them that they alone are responsible for their own happiness.  Sometimes those slaps change the way that a person sees humanity.  And when you shoot someone, their bleeding is not simply “their choice.”  It is a consequence of what you did.  This is something that we must all realize and remember.