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The Very Sad Thing About Cancer

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  I t is about 2:20 AM on Saturday before Easter. I tried sleeping, but cannot. I have a lot of discomfort, cancer and treatment-related discomfort. I also realized that I no longer have a fingerprint on the finger I use to sign into my phone and many accounts. I was very close to getting locked out of my own phone just to get onto this site. Folfox, the chemo I am receiving, can damage the skin on a person's hands and feet. Mine was peeling badly a week ago. Now it seems that, though healed, the ridges are so shallow that they do not read anymore. Hopefully they will return. Otherwise I have unintentionally achieved what criminals through the years have gone through great lengths to accomplish. Oy. Well, on to the idea that is the reason for this post: a man I knew only from Facebook died a few days ago. Like me, he was 54. Like me, he had cholangiocarcinoma. Like me, he was receiving chemo through a port. He commented that it looked like we had the same "set up" when I
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Shift

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Many bouquets of flowers graced our home in the past weeks. Some were in celebration of my mother’s birthday, and some were sent as blessings of recognition, light, and love following the death of my brother Michael. It still seems very odd to say. But I would say that it has, pretty much, sunk in by now. Tomorrow will be three weeks ago that we got the horrible news, that Mike left this world very suddenly. Most of the flowers have now dried out. Three vases full remained in my mom’s living area yesterday. And, last night she asked me to take away the dead ones. So, this morning I squeezed three giant bunches of dead flowers into the trash: 2 from my mom, 1 from my living room. Only one pink and white arrangement remains by my mom. It is happy and uplifting and the flowers look like they could go another two weeks. I hope they do. My world has gotten tinier recently. In so many ways. I have, out of necessity, made my home (the inside) the focus of what energy I have. This includ
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66

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It is 4:50AM. I have hellacious acid reflux. I have consumed too many antacids. My rem ai ning option is to sit upright for a while with a cup of tea. I think it is helping. Chemo yesterday. I am now seeing a pattern to the first day of a cycle: i ncreasing fatigue and headache on the way home. Terrible headache and fatigue by the time we get home. Now reflux which is intense even for a seasoned GERD veteran like me. While lying in bed, it occurred to me that my body feels a bit like Route 66. Not the famous one. The infamous one. People who live near DC will know what I am talking about. Bill and I traverse this road to reach Georgetown University Hospital, where I am receiving treatment. I have lived in the DC area for decades, and I have never seen 66 not under construction. I am sure I never will. But, there is presently a new level of chaos which seems to have no limits. Early in the mornings, on our 90-minute drives (on good days), I am typically asleep by the time we are a
Location: Virginia, USA
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